Starting with the anxiety/panic disorder and depression

Since the reason my daughter suggested I start a blog was because of the anxiety, panic and depression that's where I'm gonna start.  To tell the truth those disorders have shaped the person that I am and the reason that I have been a house wife for the vast majority of my married life.  
     I suppose you could say the panic disorder started when I was 13.  I had my first panic attack just looking in a mirror while I was alone.  That started an avoidance of mirrors and being alone for sometime and even to today when the panic and anxiety is rearing it's ugly head I somewhat avoid mirrors and being alone (the latter part is a little more difficult since I am a house wife).  This is gonna sound really strange to someone who has never suffered from panic and anxiety disorder but I trust that someone who's been there knows what I am talking about.  I didn't know what it was at the time.  I honestly thought I was gonna go crazy for a little while and here's the kicker...I didn't tell anybody.  Not even my parents, I didn't know how to explain it.  I'm sure my Mom noticed something different about me because I was acting nervous and probably more than a little strange but then again I had always been a nervous child, having to take medication just to get to school in the morning because otherwise I'd have serious stomach aches and even vomit from time to time.  Funny thing is most people today never know that I am basically a nervous person that suffers from these kinds of disorders from time to time.  I guess I hide it well now, besides like I said I am basically a very happy person.  Getting back to my story...in time I got over it.  Life got full again and moved on.  Not to say that I didn't think about it everyday but it just didn't bother me as much.  My doctor and I recently talked about how disorders like this seem to run in cycles.  Most of the time I do really well and then BAM a panic attack hits me from out of the blue and usually starts a period of anxiety, panic, obsessive compulsive disorder and, about a year ago, depression, for the first time.  Sorry, I forgot about the OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).  Panic, anxiety, OCD, and depression are so closely connected that often if someone suffers from one there is usually a problem with more of them as well.  Back to the story...The next time I had a major problem was when I was about 17 I suppose,  I had been with  my husband (who was then my boyfriend) for almost two years and my Mom made a comment to me.  I can't remember exactly how it went but it was something to the effect of how I needed to date more boys before I decided to marry this one boy.  To this day I don't know how or why my husband stayed with me through all that except that he must have really loved me enough then which just goes to show how wonderful he really is.  From that one statement from my Mom I started obsessing about whether I really  loved him or not and it was just killing me that I might not and that I was going to hurt him so much if I broke up with him.  Just goes to show how confused the anxiety ridden, obsessed mind gets.  That should have told me something right there.  If I was more concerned with his feelings rather than my own then I must have really been in love with him but I couldn't see it.  I told my husband (but still didn't tell my Mom) and we rode that wave together and got through it unscathed and with out splitting up.  I know I must have put him through hell and it pains me to this day to think how hurt he must have been.  Well this part I'm sure you can guess we finally did get married perhaps two years after that incident and we got pregnant three months later.  Pregnancy went well and we had a beautiful daughter and then two years later we got pregnant again and this time while we had some difficulty with the pregnancy, we had a beautiful son. While I'm sure there were some small bouts of anxiety and panic, which has always been the main problems I deal with, my mental health was good. 
      Well, I have written about as much as I can handle for today.  Besides, I need to think about the next part to decided what exactly happened next so I will continue tomorrow or later which ever I feel like doing.  One thing I can say today is I never realized how therapeutic typing this out can be.  I'm realizing things I never did before.