Medication

I had hoped to do this blog in some kind of order and I'm not sure I was on track with that anyway cause I seem to be writing whatever seems to be upper most in my mind and today is no different. Medication is today's subject in case you hadn't read the subject=0.

I have been on medication for a couple of years now, or should I say had been on?...Can't make up my mind because I am getting back on my medication. After saying that I realized that the best place to start this blog is at the end and work my way back. As I said I was on medication for a couple of years but about two months ago I had been to the doctor for my 6 month check up. Let me say here that I am getting my medication through my primary care physician. When I went I told her that I had realized that I had forgotten to take my medication that morning and the morning before. She asked me if that happens often and I told her no. While every once in a while I do miss a dose but I had never missed it two days in a row. She told me that when one starts to forget to take their medication it's usually a sign that they no longer need it, which brings me back to the conversation that we had about panic and anxiety being a problem at certain periods of time and then waining again. I agree totally that does happen because all my life I noticed that sometimes I feel great and other times not so good at all. Well I thought about getting off my medication and decided it would be a good time to try it. I weaned my self off slowly as my doctor suggested taking a whole pill then the next day a half for a week then going down to a half pill every day for about two weeks then going down to half a pill every other day for two weeks then off totally. I had been off my med for two weeks this past weekend and Friday I was feeling really good. I had often thought that while on the medication it keeps the anxiety, panic and depression in check, I also didn't really feel everything like excitement to the full extent that I used to. I'd have a good time going places and am really happy but I just didn't get that rush of "OH WOW DID WE HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!" I hope that explains it cause at the moment another way of explaining it escapes me. Friday my hubby had a Dr. appt. and we went out afterward to the mall and just had a good ole time together. I really had that feeling of having had a great time. Saturday I started to feel a little apprehension and could feel myself starting to get drawn into the same mind set of anxiety again. I can say that the weather has been funky lately raining every day and looking gloomy. My stomach hasn't been feeling great either and I don't know what that is all about but if it keeps up I'm definitely going to see a doctor about it but that is another story. And since the weather has been so funky my sinuses are going nuts and my head has had lots of sinus pressure. My husband has always said that when his sinuses started bothering him that's when he'd always feel more nervous and on edge and I think he's on to something cause I have noticed the same thing. I used to take a decongestant when my sinuses felt clogged up in my head and I would actually feel better till I realized that the decongestants were also making my heart do crazy things (I also have mitral valve prolapse and am prone to having palpitations anyway). Also at 50 you'd think I'd start changing life and my periods would be stopping by now but unfortunately that isn't the case and I still get the mood swings when it gets close to that time again and it's close to that time again. Oh and one more thing I had trouble sleeping Friday and Saturday night. Trouble falling asleep and then waking about a 3 A.M. and not being able to fall back to sleep till around 5. The whole time I was on my meds I never had trouble sleeping but before the meds I would often have trouble sleeping. Combine all these things together and it's no wonder the anxiety is showing itself right now. Also I have my Dad staying with me this week and I knew that I'd have to be on top of my game with him cause he's starting to lose his memory a little. I have to be in a good place when I have him over. Yesterday I could feel myself slipping further into that mind set of anxiety. I was using positive self talk and trying to get myself in a good place again but I finally came to the conclusion that perhaps I should get back on the meds

Like I said I have been on the medication for a couple of years but I have been suffering with anxiety and panic for most of my life. You might be asking why I hadn't started meds till a couple of years ago. Quite simply I, like many other people I found out, was afraid to take the meds. I was afraid that I would get all the horrible side effects that are listed on the inserts you get with all meds. I wasn't sure how I would feel and I suppose I didn't want to feel drugged and not in control of my life. Many years ago I did try some medication for a couple of days and had a bad experience with it and with the stupid psychiatrist that prescribed it and decided it wasn't for me. The first day of being on the meds he gave me my whole body felt weird a like I was in some kind of a daze and had a horrible sinus problem. I called him to ask if this was a normal reaction to the drugs and was put on hold for over 20 minutes. I felt like if he wasn't concerned enough to give me a few minutes to answer my questions I didn't need him or his drugs. I know it sounds rash but the truth of the matter is I didn't like this guy to begin with. I had only had one appointment with him and he was recommended to me by the psychologist I was seeing at the time. She felt that medication was a good option for me. I never felt comfortable with him, I really didn't feel like we had enough time together for him to prescribe anything to me. I often hear stories about people getting medication from psychiatrists and I usually feel that the patient is being over medicated. I like the idea that my primary care physician is prescribing my meds. She knows me and how I react to drugs, which is it takes very little for me to respond to drugs most of the time. The first time I tried the medication that I am on now was about 4 years ago and I had a bad reaction then. I had a horrible panic attack within hours of having taken the first pill and I started vomiting and for two days I had a horrible depression, which at that time I had never had before. This time when I decided to try medication once again she suggested the same medication but to ease me into it. The last time she had given me 20mg of the medication and didn't say anything about starting with half a pill and then increasing it slowly. This time she suggested we start with a 10mg pill take half of it once a day for the first week then increase it to a whole pill. Well that did the trick and and 10mg is what I have been on ever since. I have heard people that get on a pill and eventually have to increase the dosage and before they know it they are at the maximum dosage and then that medication stops working. I really don't want that to happen. While I am on one medication that doesn't mean that I am comfortable yet with trying new medications. I know that some of them can make you feel worse before you feel better or you have to keep trying different ones till you find the one that works for you. Some of the side effects are horrid and I think it would make me more than just a little crazy to have to go through that. Well if anybody is finally reading my blog and you are suffering with the same problems and considering medication I hope I haven't scared you off of it completely. I have to say that medication has helped me immensely and it's worth a try. I know you may be like me and you could be afraid to try them. I understand that and I want you to know that you are not the only one. People with anxiety and panic often feel this way. We don't like change or challenges it makes us more anxious,but go ahead and give it a try, it could be worth it.